[Arashi] Finding Yatterman

[neko_kirin3104]

Title: Finding Yatterman
Group/Pairing: Arashi/Yama Pair (Ohno/Sho + Sho/Ohno)
Prompts: various
Word Count: 3000 (in 30 Drabbles)
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack/Fluff/Angst + AU/Crossover + Genderswap
Summary: A not-so-typical day at the Arashi Castle.
Disclaimer: I own nobody. Purely fictional, of course. :3
Notes: inspired by the prompts from the 30-Day Drabble Challenge, and the photo under the cut.

~Residents of Arashi Castle~

Photo not mine. Credit to owner.
English text by: obstilation

「beginning」

Everything started falling apart at the Arashi Castle the day Yatterman Ichi-go disappeared.

Nobody could tell the who, when, how, and what-the-fuck? of the matter. Hell, nobody could even tell what-the-eff-is-a-Yatterman to begin with.

The young master was upset and instantly began throwing a tantrum. Then he turned to throwing things. Then, when even that did not suffice, he picked his pet cat by the tail and threw the startled feline out of the castle window.

Sho-nyan the Cat trilled and flew through the air in a state of bliss.

It felt good to be back in his Bocchama’s favor.

「accusation」

“You’re fired! You’re fired! You’re fiiiired!!!!!”

Kageyama sighed inwardly, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

He didn’t even know what a Yatterman was, so what was this twerp going on about him stealing it?

“If I leave, who’s going to cook for you?” Keeping calm was getting hard, but he couldn’t lose this job.

“Shoko-chan will!”

“Bocchama, are you an idiot?” He leaned forward and looked into the overgrown kid’s eyes. “All that pretty little maid of yours’ good at is twirling in her heels.”

Bocchama gasped at this obvious truth.

Kageyama smirked. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

「restless」

Satoko came home in the afternoon from the purikura booth at the marketplace and hardly noticed the commotion in the castle.

She charged straight into the kitchen, basking in the crabby scowl that instantly creased her favorite butler’s face.

“Kageyama-kun...” she crooned, draping herself around one stiff arm. “It’s been a while since you came to my room.”

“Ojousama,” the butler squeaked, cleared his throat and insisted grimly, “I was never in your room.”

“Same difference,” Satoko giggled, sticking a purikura of herself on the butler’s suit. “I’ll see you tonight.”

She slapped his butt. He almost swallowed his tongue.

「snowflake」

It took the Queen ten years to conceive.

Ten years of trying to seduce a husband who could hardly even tell his berries from his twig—

A persistent merchant had thrice tried to steal the crown. A pirate had almost taken her away for good. A boatman had made her forget herself ten times over—

Still, it took ten years.

The Queen stared lovingly at her son, who had thankfully wailed himself to sleep.

Her relief had been immense when the boy grew up into the spitting image of the King.

She had been spoiling both father and son since.

「haze」

The sword was blunt. That had been the King’s one saving grace.

He did not die, but the attack did not just leave a permanent dent on his head either. It did something to his memory, too.

He remembered everything right up to the part where he reached out to his screaming wife and felt the sting of the pirate’s blade on his head.

The boatman had been sneering. The merchant had snatched his crown again.

He remembered every little detail of it like it happened only yesterday. And therein lay the problem.

He believed everything happened just yesterday.

Literally.

「flame」

Shoko had always dreamed of living in a castle. Reaching that goal had only made her dream bigger.

A maid eventually becoming Queen... well, why not? People had often told her she was the younger, prettier version of the Queen anyway.

Not to mention that she already had the Bocchama wrapped around her little finger.

“Just twirl and smile, Shoko-chan,” her late mother would always say. “Steal their hearts with a twirl and a smile.”

She had spent most of her life perfecting that art.

It only took one wrong turn and one angelic smile for everything to fall apart.

「formal」

Ryo Naruse never dreamed of living in a castle. But he just couldn’t get himself to leave.

Every day he would slip out and try losing himself in the nearby forest, failing to gain distance at each turn.

There had always been something that gave him reason to turn around...

Today, it was the Bocchama’s cat falling out of the sky right into his arms—

“Sensei...”

Today and always, it had been this gorgeous slopey-shouldered maid smiling shyly at him whenever he came back—

“Shoko-san...”

Naruse never really liked the castle. But something about it had inevitably captured his heart.

「companion」

Sho-nyan knew no other life than what he had with his Bocchama.

People secretly thought of his young master as the spoiled, whiny little brat who would eventually cause his royal family’s downfall.

But to Sho-nyan, Bocchama was all that and more.

Since this boy had picked him out from a puddle of mud all those years ago, Sho-nyan had vowed to serve, uphold and tolerate his Bocchama’s every whim.

He had done everything his Bocchama asked, and would keep doing so for years.

Even if it meant being stuck in a cat suit for the rest of his life.

「move」

Satoko was getting old and her time was running out.

It wasn’t even like she hadn’t been busting her pretty little ass out hard enough to get laid. She even once succeeded in seducing the butler with her very lucky underwear that was all straps and lace and clit and nipples showing through.

Kageyama had locked his room since.

But Satoko was not to be deterred that easily. She did it once, she could do it again.

Except that her lucky underwear seemed to have gone the way of her departed youth.

Satoko’s bemoaned shrieks echoed through the castle halls.

「silver」

There are only a few things that could faze a man like Kageyama. Well, only two people to be exact.

One was the King’s younger sister, way past the marrying age, still single, and very desperate for his seed.

The other was this lock-picking nerd who was standing before him right now, and whose very nature could tickle him to the very tip of his—

“Don’t wet yourself, Kageyama-san.” Enomoto’s deadpan face didn’t even flinch.

Kageyama consciously placed a hand over his growing bulge. “Shut up.”

He would willingly give his seed to this man should he ask for it.

「denial」

Kei Enomoto may be a thief, but he was never a bad liar.

So when he said he didn’t know shit about a missing Yatterman, he meant it.

Or at least, he wanted to. Did they really have such weird names for those things now?

“You sure you didn’t steal anything?” Kageyama asked again.

“I didn’t steal Yatterman,” he insisted.

“But you did steal something.” The butler was not easily fooled. “Tell me.”

Enomoto smirked and thought it best not to speak anymore. If that thing was a Yatterman, he was sure lying about it was well worth the trouble.

「prepared」

Naruse knew for sure 7th heaven existed.

“Sensei, I’ve been thinking,” Shoko-san was saying barely a minute ago while serving him tea in his chamber. “If Bocchama could lose something he’s had all his life in a single moment of carelessness, do I have enough time left to tell you what I want to say before you disappear, too?”

The stunned lawyer could only manage a nervous gulp before Shoko-san took away his teacup, sat on his lap and started serving up a slow and curious invasion into his mouth.

Whoever this Yatterman was, he owed the man big time.

「knowledge」

Shoko wasn’t new to losing things. Or people for that matter.

She had lost her home, her family, the few friends she had, even her own right to herself.

She had been sad for too long. Trapped in the walls of this castle, its rules and its demands, for as long as she could remember—

“Shoko-san, would you like to come with me for a walk tomorrow?” Naruse-sensei whispered while nipping at her neck.

“Yes. I’ll go with you, Sensei,” she gasped into his hair.

For the first time that night, Shoko understood what it meant to belong to someone.

「order」

The Queen wasn’t blind. She knew whatever she had with the King was lost the day he almost had his head split open.

But she was, if nothing else, a devoted wife. She may have stepped out in her desperation to bear an heir, but she had never once thought of leaving her husband.

So why was he pushing her away now?

“Anata...” The tears in her eyes were as real as the ones on his cheeks.

“Leave, woman,” the King said firmly. “The boy stays with me.”

The Queen fell to her knees, weeping. Killing her would’ve been kinder.

「wind」

The King wasn’t blind. He knew whatever it was he had with his Queen was a lie.

He may be partly to blame, being an herbivore man and all, but it still hurt to learn the truth.

The revelation had come in the form of a letter, unsigned and unsealed. Hardly credible he knew, but it only confirmed what he already felt in his gut.

The Queen, his precious Queen, had cheated on him.

With a merchant. A boatman. And the pirate that almost killed him!

He wished he could just close his eyes and forget about all this tomorrow...

「look」

The first time had been an accident. A case of faces being too close and heads turning the wrong way.

Enomoto was installing new locks on Kageyama’s door at the time. Kageyama bent down to study the device closely. Enomoto, for some reason, thought of studying Kageyama’s face.

The kiss had led them to studying other things about each other.

And Kageyama soon discovered how obsessive Enomoto could get when it came to owning him. Like Kageyama was one of those ancient locks in his collection—

He was barely keeping this man from locking Satoko-sama in her room for good.

「tremble」

Satoko’s woeful wailings eventually took her to the kitchen to ask her favorite butler for help. For comfort. For sex—

She froze at the sight that met her eyes.

She had always known the locksmith was up to no good. But she had never expected he would even dare steal her butler, too!

She grabbed something to throw at the two men still blatantly ignoring her presence.

And gasped at the sight of a dozen purikura stickers of herself stuck to the bottom of the pot in her hands.

Every single one she had ever given to Kageyama—

Satoko screamed.

「thousand」

It was Enomoto who broke the kiss after the woman’s shrieks faded down the hall.

“You owe me one,” he teased.

“I owe you nothing.” Kageyama teased back.

“Should I deliver you to Ojousama’s chamber instead?”

Kageyama’s eyes widened briefly with a very unmanly snort.

Enomoto sneered and pulled a piece of fabric from his pocket.

“You’re wearing Yatterman tonight.”

Kageyama frowned in protest. “I doubt that’s a Yatterman, Kei-san...”

“Hardly matters.”

A scowling Kageyama soon found himself decked in the spiteful underwear that almost got him in trouble once—

All straps and lace and cock and nipples showing through.

「thanks」

“Shoko-chan?”

His beloved maid looked up from fixing his bed, lips and eyes smiling. “Hm?”

Shoko-chan definitely looked different today. Happier. Cuter.

Bocchama pouted, already feeling the onset of a bad mood. “You weren’t here last night...”

His heart bled at the sudden blush that colored her face.

He lost all courage to ask anymore. He had a feeling he already knew.

Shoko bundled up his pee-stained blanket and crossed the room to where he was.

“Arigatou, Bocchama...” She bent down and brushed a light kiss on his forehead.

Bocchama’s heart shattered.

It felt like his Shoko-chan was saying goodbye.

「summer」

Sho-nyan watched from his corner of the room as his young master slid down the wall, slumping on the floor in silent dejection.

The maid had left and, judging by the panting noises he heard from the lawyer’s room last night, he doubt she would ever be back.

And that should make him happy, right? Another rival for Bocchama’s affection scratched off the equation—

But why wasn’t Bocchama throwing a tantrum yet?

Why wasn’t Bocchama throwing things around, throwing him around?

“There’s just you and me now, Sho-nyan...” Bocchama mumbled, teary-eyed.

Sho-nyan pouted, a secret smile swelling in his heart.

「transformation」

Shoko barely heard him say he had killed people. Or that he was an evil man. That she shouldn’t really be with him. That he deserved nothing less than death for what he had become.

When she looked at Ryo Naruse, she could not really see a trace of the man he was talking about.

All she saw was someone she loved and who loved her back.

“This is the man you have become,” she told him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

His smile warmed her heart like it always did.

She would never have him any other way.

「outside」

From the moment she stumbled into his arms, all startled shriek and freshly brewed tea, Naruse knew Shoko would change his life.

That first meeting had warmed him up in many ways—literally, with the scalding drink sloshed down his front, emotionally with her frantic fussing and embarrassed smile, and even spiritually with the gentle touch of her hand...

But the moment she twirled was the moment she caught and owned his heart.

He clasped Shoko’s hand tightly, looked into her eyes and knew there was no turning back.

They stepped together beyond the castle gates, their lives becoming one.

「diamond」

Enomoto woke up with a smirk on his face. Beside him, Kageyama bemoaned his aching butt.

“You broke my glasses,” the butler grunted.

“I’ll buy you a new pair,” he replied airily. “Dozens, if you want.”

Kageyama turned to him and gasped. “You didn’t...!”

“You know what I came here for, Kageyama-san.” He shrugged and added casually, “I’m leaving today and you’re coming with me.”

“Make me.”

Enomoto matched the stubborn frown with a deadpan face. “Then I guess I’ll just have to bag you along with the rest of my loot.”

They slipped out unnoticed in the early afternoon.

「letters」

She had been doing nothing but scream.

Satoko re-read the words scribbled out in a feminine hand on the scented sheet of paper that came with her late afternoon snack and screamed again. The newbie maid that brought her food looked close to fainting in fright.

The letter was from Kageyama, who told her he had left and that she was to forget whatever happened between them and move on with her life.

“Kei-san ripped your underwear apart. He said he’ll send you a new one soon. Dozens, if you want.”

Satoko stuffed a donut into her mouth and wept.

「mad」

Everybody was getting mad around him over some more things missing.

But Bocchama hardly cared. What use could he possibly have of diamonds and old paintings, of crowns and fancy jewels anyway?

None of those could make him smile and laugh like his Yatterman did.

None of those could ever thrill his heart like his Shoko’s perfect twirls.

Bocchama sighed and buried his teary face into his pet cat’s warm fur.

“You won’t ever leave me, ne, Sho-nyan?”

Sho-nyan mewled and tapped a comforting paw to his head.

Bocchama broke apart, but eventually grew into a man that day.

Almost.

「winter」

It was a day full of surprises and drastic changes.

The lawyer and the maid eloped in the morning.

The butler and the locksmith escaped in the afternoon with most of the castle’s meager wealth.

Bocchama comforted his aunt that night, and got chased out of Ojousama’s room laughing after he called her “old hag”.

The King’s memory reverted back, as it always did, to the day following his injury.

He and his relieved Queen eventually made a decision that changed everybody’s life—

Grinning, Sho-nyan watched everything unfold. Feeling a progressively growing affinity to the creep who orchestrated it all...

「promise」

The merchant was only too willing to buy the castle, though the crown he had so coveted was gone.

The servants were paid decently and were asked to find new lodging for themselves.

The ex-royal family found a humble home a good distance away from the kingdom they no longer ruled.

“We’ll be fine,” the Queen assured her King as they lay in bed that night.

He looked at her and smiled, clutching her hand tightly under the blanket.

The unsigned letter had almost broken them apart.

She had never been more grateful for that unsightly dent on his head.

「simple」

The King loved the simple life.

Except for when he woke up in the morning and had to be re-oriented to where he was, kept from raging war against the merchant he believed stole his crown, and force-fed his favorite miso butter ramen to calm him down, everything else was slowly settling into place.

Afternoons were playtime with his son, when he would willingly bump into furniture and electrocute himself on wired doorknobs for their enjoyment.

At night, his Queen would lull him to sleep with a good head.

Life, though he forgot about it the next day, was perfect.

「future」

Satoko’s heart quivered at the sight of the man at the door. “Yoshimoto-kun!”

The home tutor, fired a week ago by Bocchama’s erratic outburst, smiled and raised a hand. “Yo!”

“Did you come to see me?” she teased, eyes fluttering.

Yoshimoto pulled something from his mammoth bag and handed it to her. “That, and I have business with the Queen.”

Satoko pressed the apple cinnamon crepe close to her chest. “You remembered!”

“The purikura you stuck to my lunchbox won’t let me forget, Satoko-chan.”

He winked and flashed his most dashing smile.

She gasped and almost had a heart attack.

「sunset」

“What are you doing here?!”

Kouya Yoshimoto stopped short of counting the wad of bills in his hands. “Aaah! Bocchama!”

“Are you tutoring me again?!”

If eyes could kill, Yoshimoto would be dead. He pocketed the hush money he got from the Queen and cackled.

The strange man in the cat suit hissed.

“Ii ne...!” He smirked and pulled something from his bag. “By the way, this belongs to you, yes?”

He handed the Yatterman action figure to the stunned young master.

“YOU—!”

Yoshimoto raised his hand in a salute and hollered. “Ja!”

He grinned at Satoko and left.

~1992*4##111~

***I tried to stick as close as possible to the pic, but this story kind of took on a life of its own. I really hope it’s not too weird. xp

~The Characters~

Drama:
Ryo Naruse [Maou]
Kageyama [Nazotoki wa Dinner no Ato de]
Kei Enomoto [Kagi no Kakatta Heya]
**Kouya Yoshimoto [Kazoku Game]
------------------
**not in the pic

Variety:
Shoko [Arashi no Shukudai-kun - 2007.10.01]
Sho-nyan [Arashi no Shukudai-kun - 2009.02.09]

King and Queen [Arashi ni Shiyagare - 2011.07.09]
Satoko [Arashi ni Shiyagare New Year SP - 2013.01.01]

CM:
Bocchama [Morinaga]

Movie:
Yatterman Ichi-go [Yatterman]