[Arashi] Lasting Impressions
Apr. 30th, 2013 09:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neko_kirin3104Title: Lasting Impressions
Group/Pairing: Arashi/Yama Pair (Ohno/Sho)
Prompt: Passport
Word Count: 5090
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Friendship
Summary: Jun gets invited to Ohno’s house and discovers something that finally puts his guilt-ridden heart at ease.
Disclaimer: I own nobody. Purely fictional, of course. :3
Notes: Inspired by a prompt from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
rainbowfilling, and because J finally knows where Leader lives. [Enjoy Vol. 97 & Arashi Discovery 2013.04.19] xD ~<3
Leader’s invitation couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Do you wanna come over to my place?”
Jun’s first instinct had been to decline and take a rain check on it, since he was seriously tired from having to dance all afternoon and hadn’t really been in the best of moods lately.
“It’s okay if you’re doing anything tonight, though.”
But then he thought about how long he had waited for this to happen, and how it would make a very interesting conversation with the other members later on, when he would surely enjoy rubbing it to their faces—
“Of course, Leader. I’d love to come over,” he agreed with an enthusiastic smile.
There was a brief moment when he thought he saw a look of surprised dread on the older man’s face. Almost as though Leader hadn’t really expected him to agree and was just making a polite proposal, considering how there was just the two of them with nothing much to do for the rest of the evening.
Jun didn’t bother much about the thought. Hell, he was finally invited to the enigmatic Satoshi Ohno’s house! Whether the host meant it or not did not really matter anymore.
“Let’s take my car, all right.” He casually slung an arm around the older man’s shoulders and led him out of the dance studio, making small talk about how unexpectedly interesting this day was turning out to be.
Fourteen years. Fourteen long years since they debuted as Arashi, and this was going to be the first time he’d actually have a glimpse of their Leader’s private life.
They had almost gotten close to betting real money on just what kind of secret this man was hiding for him to be so adamant in refusing every request from his own bandmates to come see his place.
At this point, Jun wouldn’t be too surprised if he did find a doting, self-effacing wife and a cute but boisterous little Ohno in that house, as what Aiba and Nino had both been insisting all these years. His guess had only ever revolved around a possible live-in partner, playfully alternating between a woman and a man each time the topic was brought up.
Then he remembered Sho, and how the second oldest would often tell them to lay off Satoshi-kun.
He also remembered how once, for some reason, he had gotten the guts to tease the guy, saying that since they were so close, surely Sho-san had been to Leader’s house at least once.
“I was never invited,” the suddenly dodgy guy had mumbled, turning his back on them and quickly busying himself with stuffing things into his bag. The newscaster never spoke another word, never even bothered looking at them again, until his manager peeked into the greenroom with a gentle reminder that he’d be late for his News Zero recording if he did not hurry it up.
Leader had remained passively quiet throughout the whole exchange, as how he would always be whenever talks about visiting his place turned up randomly in conversations. He only mumbled a half-hearted response when Nino, after Sho had left, started gaining on him about how totally cruel it was not to have invited his supposed best friend into his home.
“He’s not my best friend.”
Jun presently flinched at the memory as he strapped his seatbelt on. They had all thought that the two oldest members—who’d always been so sickeningly close—were in a kind of silent dispute then, and had respectfully refrained from digging deeper into the matter.
But Sho Sakurai’s words and Leader’s uncaring retort had really bothered him, and still did so until now.
He had known for a very long time that Sho was in-love with their Leader. That unlike the fanservice between him and the oldest Arashi, which had always been for mere show, Leader’s sweet gestures toward Sho was making a much deeper impression on the rapper each time, no matter how much that guy denied it on screen.
He knew this, because he was the first (and probably the only) member to know that Sho Sakurai was gay...
He knew, too, that Leader wasn’t.
And why was he suddenly remembering all these things to begin with—?
Jun turned to his companion for want of a distraction and almost literally felt a thread of his patience snap at the sight of the older man on his passenger seat, busily fiddling with his mobile phone, seemingly unaware of the rest of the world.
“Leader, what are you doing?” he asked in the calmest voice he could manage. He raised an eyebrow when the other guy did not respond, and his next question took on a sharply chafing edge. “Are you surfing those fishing websites again?”
“Ah, this’ll only take a while.” Leader kept tapping on the screen, undaunted, not even bothering to look up and check if an angry fist was flying his way. “Sorry...”
Jun sighed loudly and started the car, frowning and grumbling, “Just put your seatbelt on.” He was suddenly beginning to doubt the soundness of this plan.
“Okay.” Leader instantly complied without taking his eyes off his phone.
Jun sighed a second time and drove the car forward after making sure the older man was safely strapped in.
Already, he was thinking of a good excuse to get out of Leader’s house as soon as possible.
The first thing he noticed upon entering the house was the painted cloth hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the living room. It was big and imposing, and colorful and sparkly...
“Woah...” he muttered under his breath, completely awed by the sight before him. His admiring gaze traveled slowly from one side of the canvas to the other, taking in every detail of the image in hopes of giving the artist a more profound praise.
But nothing really came to him other than the uncontested truth that this man was indeed an artistic genius to have reached this level of excellence all on his own.
“You’re really good at this, you know.”
Leader had often talked about this particular piece, how it had remained practically untouched for a whole year, and how it was finally seeing some progress these past few weeks.
“No, not really,” Leader mumbled, embarrassed. “It’s almost done, though. I’ve just been polishing it up a little.”
The painting showed kids happily frolicking on a background dappled with colorful dots overlaid by silver and gold. It was pretty impressive, both in size and appearance, and Jun knew he could never come up with anything as moving as this even if he bribed the devil with his life.
He said this out loud and made the self-effacing artist squirm under his skin a second time. But the prideful smile he glimpsed on the other guy’s face when he turned to look told Jun otherwise.
Leader was proud of this piece, tremendously satisfied with it. The man had always taken pride in his skills as an artist, after all. Even more so than he ever did in his equally impressive skills as a performer.
They spent the next several minutes discussing the processes involved in turning a plain spread of cloth into such a surreal masterpiece. And he found it fascinating how this man, who often looked lazy and disinterested at work, could actually put in this much effort into something else that did not involve fishing in any way.
He felt like his respect and admiration for their Leader just grew ten-folds.
The older man subsequently let him roam around the house while he went to get them something to drink, and Jun’s deeply ingrained partiality for neatness almost instantly drove him to clean up and put things in order.
But Leader, as though reading his mind, called out to him from the fridge, telling him not to touch the art supplies scattered all over the floor of the living room or he wouldn’t know where to find them next time.
“But, Leader—!”
“Just don’t touch anything, Mastsujun, seriously!”
He flopped with a defeated sigh on the purple couch pushed close to the wall, his head beginning to throb from the sight of the mess all around him. Aside from the art tools, there was also a toppled stack of newspapers beside his feet, CDs strewn on the low-table (also pushed close to the wall), and several travel books and brochures spread carelessly in what little space was left on the floor.
Since when has Leader taken this much interest in traveling?, he wondered as he bent over and picked up a brochure to some Southern country he had once heard the older man say he wanted to visit.
Come to think of it, there was one other guy who said he wanted to go there, too—
I was never invited.
The words suddenly echoed in his head, in that same embittered tone he thought he heard the guy say them.
He grunted and stood up, taking the can of Pepsi from Leader as he passed by on his way to check out the bedroom to keep his mind off of certain things...
“I’ll seriously hit you if it smells like fish in here,” he warned, before opening the door.
“I already told you it doesn’t,” Leader said behind him, the hint of apprehension in his voice not lost on Jun’s ears.
He knew instantly that the older man was not worried about the fish-smell at all when his senses got attuned to the room.
It actually smells kind of feminine in here—
“Leader, have you been lighting candles...?” He barely finished the question when he noticed there were two futons on the floor. He vaguely noted how the neatly pressed bedcovers and blankets on both beds were of the same combination of earth-toned colors, before he caught sight of the scented candles bundled together in the farthest corner of the room.
Jun began to tremble faintly, torn between decency and the overwhelming need to release the anger instantly burning in his heart at the thought of this man actually keeping a woman in his house.
I was never invited.
The words echoed in his head again, but this time the pain he felt for the guy who said them was multiplied ten-folds.
He quickly excused himself to go to the bathroom, where he hoped he could take a few deep breaths and pull himself together, before he ended up murdering a clueless man.
So that’s why..., he thought as soon as he closed the door. He leaned on it and sighed, remembering how Sho had looked so sickeningly happy of late. And how the sight of it had been bothering him for days, making him lose sleep, and adding yet another layer to his already infamous crankiness.
He didn’t like the sight of it. He had never liked the sight of it.
Because he knew it was a lie.
Sho Sakurai had only ever looked this way whenever he was masking an underlying sadness that’s gradually, and painfully, nibbling at his heart.
And Jun knew this because he had once—a very long time ago—been the source of that sadness. And he had watched with guilt and dread, for weeks after that, how Sho Sakurai could handle a heartbreak with a worryingly convincing smile.
They had since gone past the awkwardness of that phase, of course. But he never did stop watching over the guy who was his first everything.
And whenever he saw this type of happiness on his senpai’s face, whenever there’s just too much of it that the guy’s sweat was practically reeking of honey and flowers (though, he did soon find out it was actually the guy’s bath soap), it would add yet another layer of self-hate to the steadily growing mound of it Jun was already harboring for himself.
For telling his senpai he could not be with him anymore.
For choosing not to swing that way any longer than he already had.
For breaking Sho Sakurai’s heart—
And now, Satoshi Ohno was doing it again. By choosing to take a woman, instead of the man who had been in-love with him, for real, for the longest time.
But he really couldn’t blame Leader for it, could he? It wasn’t even like he was one to talk!
But he had feared something like this would happen. He had known that Leader would eventually end up hurting Sho without meaning to.
And that old man—whose proclivity for fanservice could fool anyone into believing he preferred men—should seriously stop teasing Sho and fueling the long-suffering guy’s fake show of happiness! Jun made a mental note to tell Leader this as soon as he got out of the bathroom.
It was about time Leader found out the truth—
His train of thoughts was interrupted when he suddenly caught sight of the red and blue toothbrushes leaning on each other in a glass at one corner of the sink. The tremendous amount of toiletries that would’ve been insanely ridiculous if Leader had been the only one living in this place quickly caught his attention, too.
And that smell. That feminine smell that’s been cloying at his nose... Like honey and flowers... He frowned at the suddenly familiar scent, willing his mind to regroup and try to make new sense of his surroundings.
His breath instantly caught in his throat when his gaze fell on the floor to find an empty bottle of wine lying on its side by the tub. Beside it were a couple of identical glasses he recognized so well. Too well.
After all, Aiba had shown them to him right before he gave them away as birthday presents—
“For Sho-chan and Leader.”
That was when the realization began crashing on Jun. Hard and fast. The newspapers beside the couch, the CDs on that low-table (one of which he thought he knew—hell, he gave it to that guy himself!), the travel books and brochures, and those candles in the bedroom...
The words Candle Sho echoed jarringly in his head as the toiletries in the bathroom suddenly began to smell familiar, too. Weren’t these the same pleasant combination of scents that Sho Sakurai always had on him? The one that always instantly filled every room he was in, and never once failed to tell Jun’s senses that his senpai was close by—
He suddenly found himself chuckling lightly at his own foolishness, his tendency to think too much and jump to conclusions.
Marveling at how he could’ve missed the one distinct truth about Leader’s house from the very moment he stepped through the front door...
The familiar, and admittedly rather feminine scent of Sho Sakurai was all over this place.
The guy’s fucking things, his very essence were all over this place!
In the midst of the delighted surprise he was suddenly feeling at this totally unexpected discovery, Jun couldn’t help remembering the things that had blinded him to this otherwise obvious truth—
I was never invited.
He’s not my best friend.
And the rather undeniable fact that Leader was still very much straight.
He frowned as the short-lived delight gradually melted away...
“Leader, let’s go out and eat dinner. My treat.”
Jun never really planned to spend any more time with Leader than was necessary to check out the man’s place and his art. But since his interest had completely been caught by Sho Sakurai’s presence in Satoshi Ohno’s house, he couldn’t just let the evening end without getting to the bottom of things.
If only to make sure that the happiness he was seeing in Sho these past days, was for real this time.
If only to finally get the peace of mind that had long evaded him.
To finally be able to move on...
He found a Chinese restaurant nearby and made a phone reservation. They had a private room good for eight people all to themselves. Leader thought it was too excessive for just the two of them, but Jun simply waved him over to sit beside him.
“It’s all right, Leader,” he assured the older man, who was still looking a little uneasy. It was actually the only private room left unoccupied, but he didn’t really feel like elaborating on this anymore. “It’s our first time out together, after all.”
Leader had sighed and smiled hesitantly at him, before they both took the menus from the good-natured waiter serving them.
Their dinner arrived shortly afterwards, almost filling half of the table. The conversations consequently followed, though Leader seemed reluctant to talk, nor even eat, at first. The older man eventually loosened up after he’d eaten a little and Jun had jokingly reassured him again that he was going to pay for everything.
The younger man suspected, though, that it was neither the food nor footing the bill that was bothering the guy.
They talked for a while about work. About how much free time they had lately since after filming the final episode of Himitsu. Leader didn’t seem to be enjoying it as much as Jun expected, given the older man’s tendency to publicly state his woes about not having enough time to spend on other things aside from work.
Like fishing, and art... and probably Sho.
Definitely Sho.
Leader did not really say it out loud. But he might as well be screaming it the way he suddenly sighed and put on a forlorn and wistful look on his face.
“Sho-san’s been pretty busy lately, huh?” Jun ventured to ask, noting how the other man stopped midway into stuffing food into his mouth, sighed again and said, “Yeah,” in a quiet voice.
“He’s been away in Nagano these past weeks, right?” he kept prodding, secretly glad that they’re finally touching on the one topic he had been itching to talk about all night.
“Hn,” Leader hummed around his chopsticks. “They’re just about to crank up, though.”
Jun, completely losing all interest in food, put his chopsticks down over his bowl and trained his complete attention to the older man. “Then, he’s got drama filming next. Solo photoshoots and interviews...”
Leader, seeing he had stopped eating, also put his bowl down before nodding, “Yes.”
“And News Zero and the variety show.”
“Hmmm...”
Jun couldn’t help noticing how that reply sounded like a groan just now. He frowned and observed the subtle changes in the older man’s expressions, suddenly unsure whether Leader was feeling sorry for not seeing Sho so much, or for not being able to just eat his meal in peace.
“Do you guys even see each other anymore? I mean, outside of work?”
This time, Leader’s eyes visibly widened for a moment, his breath faintly hitching. The man may have just realized what they had been talking about these past couple of minutes, the pattern Jun’s questions was taking, and how his answers had all served to confirm what he had probably not meant to reveal.
“He was here the other day,” he replied nonetheless, fixing his gaze on a random spot on the table.
And the moment Jun saw the small smile forming at the corner of the older man’s lips, along with the hint of a blush that was almost obscured by his tanned skin, he instantly thought back to the empty wine bottle and the couple glasses he saw in Leader’s bathroom.
He felt his own face warm up a little at the idea of these two men together in that tub, and his own personal memories that suddenly sprouted from it.
“Do you miss him?” he asked in a quiet voice, though he already knew the answer.
“He makes it really hard not to,” the man replied just as quietly, still smiling to himself.
Jun felt like he could understand this perfectly and unconsciously mumbled, “Yeah,” with a light chuckle. The warmth on his cheeks became almost scorching when he realized what he just did. He cleared his throat and picked up his bowl to eat and hide his face behind it.
In the end, the older man insisted on splitting the bill with him, and he did not bother protesting anymore.
Because for the first time since their debut, Jun finally felt like his Leader’s peer.
It was only eight when they left the restaurant and the night was still young. He suggested going to the karaoke that one of his friends owned, and Leader readily agreed. The older man was warming up to him, and Jun was just glad to be spending this time together, indulging in the one topic that concerned them both.
The conversation did not start right away, though. When they got settled in their private booth with bottles of beer and some snacks for drinking, they both got lost in their own thoughts for several minutes, until the alcohol began to gradually loosen up their subconscious inhibitions.
Leader started gushing about how a celebrity had just been to his house. And he laughed and blushed at the look of genuine excitement on the older man’s face.
“You’re a celebrity yourself, Leader! What are you saying?”
“Maa, but it’s different when it’s Matsujun!” the man exclaimed before taking another swig of his beer.
“And when it’s Sho-san?” Jun asked, grinning teasingly while twirling his own beer bottle in his hands.
“That’s different, too.” Leader’s voice was suddenly small, tender.
He turned to the man and saw him staring at his beer, as though seeing something really pleasant on its label. He took a sip from his bottle and allowed the man some time to just wallow in his own thoughts before picking up the conversation.
“I guess I’m not the first member to come to your house, huh?”
Leader shook his head, his smile widening as his gaze stayed fixed on his beer. “Sho-chan beat you to it by a couple of years. He just moved in, though. A week after New Year.”
Jun frowned when he suddenly remembered something he had meant to clarify. “But Sho-san said he was never invited!”
“He wasn’t,” Leader quipped with a slight chuckle. “He got too drunk and I just didn’t know where else to take him.”
“Somehow, I find it hard to imagine him being too drunk,” he said with a smile before taking the last swig from his bottle. Sho was the strongest drinker among the five of them, and as far as he could remember, he had never seen that guy faint from drinking too much. If anything, he just talked louder, and sometimes even faster.
Leader handed him another bottle. He put the empty one down by the side of the couch along with the couple of others he had drained earlier and picked up the bottle opener on the table, popping the lid off his beer as he listened to the older man talk.
“He was in one of those phases. You know, when he’s in pain and he chooses to bottle up his feelings, until he can no longer take it and he ends up drinking like there’s no tomorrow.” Their eyes met when Leader turned to him. And probably realizing Jun hadn’t seen this side of Sho before by the look of surprise on his face, and that he may have just said more than he should’ve, the older man’s voice turned into a mere mumble, “He just falls apart after that.” He emptied his bottle and reached out for another one.
Jun handed him the opener this time, his eyes cast low. He never thought he could feel any worse than he already did about breaking Sho’s heart. Or whenever somebody else did. He could always tell by the older guy’s show of exaggerated happiness. And he would always ask the guy about it, but had never really had the courage to prod further once the rapper smiled at him and said, “I’m fine, Jun-kun.”
He never knew about this weak side of Sho Sakurai that Leader had unintentionally painted for him. The image was cutting through his own heart, slowly filling him up with cold dread, as he remembered how he was the first one to send his senpai down that path.
He did wonder how that guy could just bounce right back as though he never had his heart broken in the first place.
Now he knew.
Jun knew.
So why in hell did Leader say Sho was not his best friend?
“He’s not,” Leader retorted, then added in a gentler voice, “At least, he hasn’t been for a while now.”
And it hit Jun how these two old men had played them out back then, blindsiding them so they didn’t get too curious and start asking questions.
But he didn’t feel like pointing this out anymore. Because the look of overwhelming affection clearly reflected in those eyes, and the smile that never once left the corner of those lips from the moment Sho Sakurai turned up in their conversation—these silent gestures that show just how much Leader felt for Sho were already beginning to put Jun’s heart at ease.
So at ease that he could actually joke about how Leader preferred men now.
“I still don’t prefer men!” the older guy quipped with a hearty laugh. “I just prefer Sho-chan!”
“Why?” The question was out of Jun’s mouth before he was even aware it was there.
Leader’s laughter wrapped up in a smile as he gazed fondly into space. “Not everything has to have a reason, Jun-kun. Sometimes, it just happens. And it feels right. And perfect, for some reason.”
Jun took a slow swig from his bottle and thought about how Leader said something nice just now. As expected from a guy who didn’t think too much about things, and just went by mere feelings.
“He’s worried about you, you know,” the older man suddenly said, breaking the momentary silence.
“Hm?” he hummed into the bottle, struggling to pull his now slightly muddled mind together to get back into the conversation.
“He told me to spend time with you to make sure you’re okay.”
Jun put his now empty bottle by the steadily growing bundle beside the couch and remembered how Leader had been fiddling with his phone on their way to his house. So the old man wasn’t surfing those fishing websites after all.
“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, Jun-kun.”
Jun looked at Leader and raised a challenging brow, willing the older man to tell him more to convince his still rather doubtful heart.
Leader just stared at him and said calmly, “Sho-chan looks happy, because this time he really is. Don’t let it bother you too much, all right?”
Jun kept his skeptical gaze trained at the man. He lasted merely a year and a half into it. How long could Leader keep this up?
How long, until this man ended up hurting Sho the same way he did? The same way all those other guys that came between them did?
“He’s in good hands now.”
Hearing those quietly spoken words, and seeing the glint of sincere conviction in those eyes gradually made Jun’s face relax into a smile. Because for some reason, he knew Leader meant it.
He just knew he could trust this man.
For several minutes, a comfortable silence descended upon them, wherein they drank and ate thoughtfully while occasionally staring at the otherwise neglected karaoke.
Each one lost in his own private reflections about the same man.
“Did you know about us?” Jun casually asked, though he could pretty much tell the answer by now.
“You were both very young then. And you sure were blatant about saying how much you liked him.” A faint chuckle escaped Leader’s throat, and it got Jun laughing lightly himself, thinking at how shameless and cheeky he was back then.
“I didn’t know he would take it so seriously! Not that I wasn’t serious, but...” He sighed and let his laughter settle into a smile, which soon felt awkward when he thought about how it ended for the two of them. How the guilt he felt over it had hounded him since, no matter how many times he insisted both to Sho-san and to himself that he had already moved past that phase.
Because every time he thought he could finally let go, one look at that guy’s facade of happiness would often hurtle him back to that point when they had let themselves be swayed by their wide-eyed curiosities and he ended up breaking his senpai’s heart.
And he would hate himself all over again, utterly convinced that it was because of him that Sho couldn’t find real happiness now.
Or so, until there was Satoshi Ohno... Who had probably been the one to pick the pieces up and put Sho back together that first time, too.
He looked at Leader, at the man who never once showed any ill-feelings toward him. He thought about Sho and how that man didn’t once hate him either. They just awkwardly danced around each other for a while. They still did so occasionally until now. But there had never been any animosity from that side.
All the hatred had been coming from inside him, aimed solely at himself.
But he could let that all go now. Perhaps, he could finally even say that not everything was his fault and actually believe himself this time around.
Sho was happy for real. And Leader had already promised to take care of him...
“We did make good memories, though,” he said, now able to smile fondly at the past he had viewed with guilt and regret for so long. “Lots of good memories.”
Leader just nodded slightly, letting him have this moment all to himself.
“And some pretty awkward ones, too.” Jun chuckled heartily at the images of two bungling young boys just newly discovering a pleasantly exciting, though rather strange side to their sexualities.
He heard Leader chuckling with him and felt more at ease.
Yes, he could finally let go of all the unpleasant feelings. But the precious memories he would gladly keep in that still very special place in his heart that would forever belong to his senpai.
“Leader...?” he called to the other man, his voice barely a whisper, his smile genuine and heartfelt now.
“Hm?” the older man hummed, looking warmly at him, silently cheering him on for finally taking the crucial first steps toward moving on...
“I’m really glad it’s you.”
Next >>> Shifting Perceptions
***The descriptions of Leader’s painting were taken and put together from past Arashi Discovery episodes translated by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
twosen.
***The idea of Sho being a strong drinker came from a Sho Beat episode translated by sakura_daikon.
Group/Pairing: Arashi/Yama Pair (Ohno/Sho)
Prompt: Passport
Word Count: 5090
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Friendship
Summary: Jun gets invited to Ohno’s house and discovers something that finally puts his guilt-ridden heart at ease.
Disclaimer: I own nobody. Purely fictional, of course. :3
Notes: Inspired by a prompt from
rainbowfilling, and because J finally knows where Leader lives. [Enjoy Vol. 97 & Arashi Discovery 2013.04.19] xD ~<3Leader’s invitation couldn’t have come at a better time.
“Do you wanna come over to my place?”
Jun’s first instinct had been to decline and take a rain check on it, since he was seriously tired from having to dance all afternoon and hadn’t really been in the best of moods lately.
“It’s okay if you’re doing anything tonight, though.”
But then he thought about how long he had waited for this to happen, and how it would make a very interesting conversation with the other members later on, when he would surely enjoy rubbing it to their faces—
“Of course, Leader. I’d love to come over,” he agreed with an enthusiastic smile.
There was a brief moment when he thought he saw a look of surprised dread on the older man’s face. Almost as though Leader hadn’t really expected him to agree and was just making a polite proposal, considering how there was just the two of them with nothing much to do for the rest of the evening.
Jun didn’t bother much about the thought. Hell, he was finally invited to the enigmatic Satoshi Ohno’s house! Whether the host meant it or not did not really matter anymore.
“Let’s take my car, all right.” He casually slung an arm around the older man’s shoulders and led him out of the dance studio, making small talk about how unexpectedly interesting this day was turning out to be.
Fourteen years. Fourteen long years since they debuted as Arashi, and this was going to be the first time he’d actually have a glimpse of their Leader’s private life.
They had almost gotten close to betting real money on just what kind of secret this man was hiding for him to be so adamant in refusing every request from his own bandmates to come see his place.
At this point, Jun wouldn’t be too surprised if he did find a doting, self-effacing wife and a cute but boisterous little Ohno in that house, as what Aiba and Nino had both been insisting all these years. His guess had only ever revolved around a possible live-in partner, playfully alternating between a woman and a man each time the topic was brought up.
Then he remembered Sho, and how the second oldest would often tell them to lay off Satoshi-kun.
He also remembered how once, for some reason, he had gotten the guts to tease the guy, saying that since they were so close, surely Sho-san had been to Leader’s house at least once.
“I was never invited,” the suddenly dodgy guy had mumbled, turning his back on them and quickly busying himself with stuffing things into his bag. The newscaster never spoke another word, never even bothered looking at them again, until his manager peeked into the greenroom with a gentle reminder that he’d be late for his News Zero recording if he did not hurry it up.
Leader had remained passively quiet throughout the whole exchange, as how he would always be whenever talks about visiting his place turned up randomly in conversations. He only mumbled a half-hearted response when Nino, after Sho had left, started gaining on him about how totally cruel it was not to have invited his supposed best friend into his home.
“He’s not my best friend.”
Jun presently flinched at the memory as he strapped his seatbelt on. They had all thought that the two oldest members—who’d always been so sickeningly close—were in a kind of silent dispute then, and had respectfully refrained from digging deeper into the matter.
But Sho Sakurai’s words and Leader’s uncaring retort had really bothered him, and still did so until now.
He had known for a very long time that Sho was in-love with their Leader. That unlike the fanservice between him and the oldest Arashi, which had always been for mere show, Leader’s sweet gestures toward Sho was making a much deeper impression on the rapper each time, no matter how much that guy denied it on screen.
He knew this, because he was the first (and probably the only) member to know that Sho Sakurai was gay...
He knew, too, that Leader wasn’t.
And why was he suddenly remembering all these things to begin with—?
Jun turned to his companion for want of a distraction and almost literally felt a thread of his patience snap at the sight of the older man on his passenger seat, busily fiddling with his mobile phone, seemingly unaware of the rest of the world.
“Leader, what are you doing?” he asked in the calmest voice he could manage. He raised an eyebrow when the other guy did not respond, and his next question took on a sharply chafing edge. “Are you surfing those fishing websites again?”
“Ah, this’ll only take a while.” Leader kept tapping on the screen, undaunted, not even bothering to look up and check if an angry fist was flying his way. “Sorry...”
Jun sighed loudly and started the car, frowning and grumbling, “Just put your seatbelt on.” He was suddenly beginning to doubt the soundness of this plan.
“Okay.” Leader instantly complied without taking his eyes off his phone.
Jun sighed a second time and drove the car forward after making sure the older man was safely strapped in.
Already, he was thinking of a good excuse to get out of Leader’s house as soon as possible.
∞•∞•∞•∞•∞
The first thing he noticed upon entering the house was the painted cloth hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the living room. It was big and imposing, and colorful and sparkly...
“Woah...” he muttered under his breath, completely awed by the sight before him. His admiring gaze traveled slowly from one side of the canvas to the other, taking in every detail of the image in hopes of giving the artist a more profound praise.
But nothing really came to him other than the uncontested truth that this man was indeed an artistic genius to have reached this level of excellence all on his own.
“You’re really good at this, you know.”
Leader had often talked about this particular piece, how it had remained practically untouched for a whole year, and how it was finally seeing some progress these past few weeks.
“No, not really,” Leader mumbled, embarrassed. “It’s almost done, though. I’ve just been polishing it up a little.”
The painting showed kids happily frolicking on a background dappled with colorful dots overlaid by silver and gold. It was pretty impressive, both in size and appearance, and Jun knew he could never come up with anything as moving as this even if he bribed the devil with his life.
He said this out loud and made the self-effacing artist squirm under his skin a second time. But the prideful smile he glimpsed on the other guy’s face when he turned to look told Jun otherwise.
Leader was proud of this piece, tremendously satisfied with it. The man had always taken pride in his skills as an artist, after all. Even more so than he ever did in his equally impressive skills as a performer.
They spent the next several minutes discussing the processes involved in turning a plain spread of cloth into such a surreal masterpiece. And he found it fascinating how this man, who often looked lazy and disinterested at work, could actually put in this much effort into something else that did not involve fishing in any way.
He felt like his respect and admiration for their Leader just grew ten-folds.
The older man subsequently let him roam around the house while he went to get them something to drink, and Jun’s deeply ingrained partiality for neatness almost instantly drove him to clean up and put things in order.
But Leader, as though reading his mind, called out to him from the fridge, telling him not to touch the art supplies scattered all over the floor of the living room or he wouldn’t know where to find them next time.
“But, Leader—!”
“Just don’t touch anything, Mastsujun, seriously!”
He flopped with a defeated sigh on the purple couch pushed close to the wall, his head beginning to throb from the sight of the mess all around him. Aside from the art tools, there was also a toppled stack of newspapers beside his feet, CDs strewn on the low-table (also pushed close to the wall), and several travel books and brochures spread carelessly in what little space was left on the floor.
Since when has Leader taken this much interest in traveling?, he wondered as he bent over and picked up a brochure to some Southern country he had once heard the older man say he wanted to visit.
Come to think of it, there was one other guy who said he wanted to go there, too—
I was never invited.
The words suddenly echoed in his head, in that same embittered tone he thought he heard the guy say them.
He grunted and stood up, taking the can of Pepsi from Leader as he passed by on his way to check out the bedroom to keep his mind off of certain things...
“I’ll seriously hit you if it smells like fish in here,” he warned, before opening the door.
“I already told you it doesn’t,” Leader said behind him, the hint of apprehension in his voice not lost on Jun’s ears.
He knew instantly that the older man was not worried about the fish-smell at all when his senses got attuned to the room.
It actually smells kind of feminine in here—
“Leader, have you been lighting candles...?” He barely finished the question when he noticed there were two futons on the floor. He vaguely noted how the neatly pressed bedcovers and blankets on both beds were of the same combination of earth-toned colors, before he caught sight of the scented candles bundled together in the farthest corner of the room.
Jun began to tremble faintly, torn between decency and the overwhelming need to release the anger instantly burning in his heart at the thought of this man actually keeping a woman in his house.
I was never invited.
The words echoed in his head again, but this time the pain he felt for the guy who said them was multiplied ten-folds.
He quickly excused himself to go to the bathroom, where he hoped he could take a few deep breaths and pull himself together, before he ended up murdering a clueless man.
So that’s why..., he thought as soon as he closed the door. He leaned on it and sighed, remembering how Sho had looked so sickeningly happy of late. And how the sight of it had been bothering him for days, making him lose sleep, and adding yet another layer to his already infamous crankiness.
He didn’t like the sight of it. He had never liked the sight of it.
Because he knew it was a lie.
Sho Sakurai had only ever looked this way whenever he was masking an underlying sadness that’s gradually, and painfully, nibbling at his heart.
And Jun knew this because he had once—a very long time ago—been the source of that sadness. And he had watched with guilt and dread, for weeks after that, how Sho Sakurai could handle a heartbreak with a worryingly convincing smile.
They had since gone past the awkwardness of that phase, of course. But he never did stop watching over the guy who was his first everything.
And whenever he saw this type of happiness on his senpai’s face, whenever there’s just too much of it that the guy’s sweat was practically reeking of honey and flowers (though, he did soon find out it was actually the guy’s bath soap), it would add yet another layer of self-hate to the steadily growing mound of it Jun was already harboring for himself.
For telling his senpai he could not be with him anymore.
For choosing not to swing that way any longer than he already had.
For breaking Sho Sakurai’s heart—
And now, Satoshi Ohno was doing it again. By choosing to take a woman, instead of the man who had been in-love with him, for real, for the longest time.
But he really couldn’t blame Leader for it, could he? It wasn’t even like he was one to talk!
But he had feared something like this would happen. He had known that Leader would eventually end up hurting Sho without meaning to.
And that old man—whose proclivity for fanservice could fool anyone into believing he preferred men—should seriously stop teasing Sho and fueling the long-suffering guy’s fake show of happiness! Jun made a mental note to tell Leader this as soon as he got out of the bathroom.
It was about time Leader found out the truth—
His train of thoughts was interrupted when he suddenly caught sight of the red and blue toothbrushes leaning on each other in a glass at one corner of the sink. The tremendous amount of toiletries that would’ve been insanely ridiculous if Leader had been the only one living in this place quickly caught his attention, too.
And that smell. That feminine smell that’s been cloying at his nose... Like honey and flowers... He frowned at the suddenly familiar scent, willing his mind to regroup and try to make new sense of his surroundings.
His breath instantly caught in his throat when his gaze fell on the floor to find an empty bottle of wine lying on its side by the tub. Beside it were a couple of identical glasses he recognized so well. Too well.
After all, Aiba had shown them to him right before he gave them away as birthday presents—
“For Sho-chan and Leader.”
That was when the realization began crashing on Jun. Hard and fast. The newspapers beside the couch, the CDs on that low-table (one of which he thought he knew—hell, he gave it to that guy himself!), the travel books and brochures, and those candles in the bedroom...
The words Candle Sho echoed jarringly in his head as the toiletries in the bathroom suddenly began to smell familiar, too. Weren’t these the same pleasant combination of scents that Sho Sakurai always had on him? The one that always instantly filled every room he was in, and never once failed to tell Jun’s senses that his senpai was close by—
He suddenly found himself chuckling lightly at his own foolishness, his tendency to think too much and jump to conclusions.
Marveling at how he could’ve missed the one distinct truth about Leader’s house from the very moment he stepped through the front door...
The familiar, and admittedly rather feminine scent of Sho Sakurai was all over this place.
The guy’s fucking things, his very essence were all over this place!
In the midst of the delighted surprise he was suddenly feeling at this totally unexpected discovery, Jun couldn’t help remembering the things that had blinded him to this otherwise obvious truth—
I was never invited.
He’s not my best friend.
And the rather undeniable fact that Leader was still very much straight.
He frowned as the short-lived delight gradually melted away...
∞•∞•∞•∞•∞
“Leader, let’s go out and eat dinner. My treat.”
Jun never really planned to spend any more time with Leader than was necessary to check out the man’s place and his art. But since his interest had completely been caught by Sho Sakurai’s presence in Satoshi Ohno’s house, he couldn’t just let the evening end without getting to the bottom of things.
If only to make sure that the happiness he was seeing in Sho these past days, was for real this time.
If only to finally get the peace of mind that had long evaded him.
To finally be able to move on...
He found a Chinese restaurant nearby and made a phone reservation. They had a private room good for eight people all to themselves. Leader thought it was too excessive for just the two of them, but Jun simply waved him over to sit beside him.
“It’s all right, Leader,” he assured the older man, who was still looking a little uneasy. It was actually the only private room left unoccupied, but he didn’t really feel like elaborating on this anymore. “It’s our first time out together, after all.”
Leader had sighed and smiled hesitantly at him, before they both took the menus from the good-natured waiter serving them.
Their dinner arrived shortly afterwards, almost filling half of the table. The conversations consequently followed, though Leader seemed reluctant to talk, nor even eat, at first. The older man eventually loosened up after he’d eaten a little and Jun had jokingly reassured him again that he was going to pay for everything.
The younger man suspected, though, that it was neither the food nor footing the bill that was bothering the guy.
They talked for a while about work. About how much free time they had lately since after filming the final episode of Himitsu. Leader didn’t seem to be enjoying it as much as Jun expected, given the older man’s tendency to publicly state his woes about not having enough time to spend on other things aside from work.
Like fishing, and art... and probably Sho.
Definitely Sho.
Leader did not really say it out loud. But he might as well be screaming it the way he suddenly sighed and put on a forlorn and wistful look on his face.
“Sho-san’s been pretty busy lately, huh?” Jun ventured to ask, noting how the other man stopped midway into stuffing food into his mouth, sighed again and said, “Yeah,” in a quiet voice.
“He’s been away in Nagano these past weeks, right?” he kept prodding, secretly glad that they’re finally touching on the one topic he had been itching to talk about all night.
“Hn,” Leader hummed around his chopsticks. “They’re just about to crank up, though.”
Jun, completely losing all interest in food, put his chopsticks down over his bowl and trained his complete attention to the older man. “Then, he’s got drama filming next. Solo photoshoots and interviews...”
Leader, seeing he had stopped eating, also put his bowl down before nodding, “Yes.”
“And News Zero and the variety show.”
“Hmmm...”
Jun couldn’t help noticing how that reply sounded like a groan just now. He frowned and observed the subtle changes in the older man’s expressions, suddenly unsure whether Leader was feeling sorry for not seeing Sho so much, or for not being able to just eat his meal in peace.
“Do you guys even see each other anymore? I mean, outside of work?”
This time, Leader’s eyes visibly widened for a moment, his breath faintly hitching. The man may have just realized what they had been talking about these past couple of minutes, the pattern Jun’s questions was taking, and how his answers had all served to confirm what he had probably not meant to reveal.
“He was here the other day,” he replied nonetheless, fixing his gaze on a random spot on the table.
And the moment Jun saw the small smile forming at the corner of the older man’s lips, along with the hint of a blush that was almost obscured by his tanned skin, he instantly thought back to the empty wine bottle and the couple glasses he saw in Leader’s bathroom.
He felt his own face warm up a little at the idea of these two men together in that tub, and his own personal memories that suddenly sprouted from it.
“Do you miss him?” he asked in a quiet voice, though he already knew the answer.
“He makes it really hard not to,” the man replied just as quietly, still smiling to himself.
Jun felt like he could understand this perfectly and unconsciously mumbled, “Yeah,” with a light chuckle. The warmth on his cheeks became almost scorching when he realized what he just did. He cleared his throat and picked up his bowl to eat and hide his face behind it.
In the end, the older man insisted on splitting the bill with him, and he did not bother protesting anymore.
Because for the first time since their debut, Jun finally felt like his Leader’s peer.
∞•∞•∞•∞•∞
It was only eight when they left the restaurant and the night was still young. He suggested going to the karaoke that one of his friends owned, and Leader readily agreed. The older man was warming up to him, and Jun was just glad to be spending this time together, indulging in the one topic that concerned them both.
The conversation did not start right away, though. When they got settled in their private booth with bottles of beer and some snacks for drinking, they both got lost in their own thoughts for several minutes, until the alcohol began to gradually loosen up their subconscious inhibitions.
Leader started gushing about how a celebrity had just been to his house. And he laughed and blushed at the look of genuine excitement on the older man’s face.
“You’re a celebrity yourself, Leader! What are you saying?”
“Maa, but it’s different when it’s Matsujun!” the man exclaimed before taking another swig of his beer.
“And when it’s Sho-san?” Jun asked, grinning teasingly while twirling his own beer bottle in his hands.
“That’s different, too.” Leader’s voice was suddenly small, tender.
He turned to the man and saw him staring at his beer, as though seeing something really pleasant on its label. He took a sip from his bottle and allowed the man some time to just wallow in his own thoughts before picking up the conversation.
“I guess I’m not the first member to come to your house, huh?”
Leader shook his head, his smile widening as his gaze stayed fixed on his beer. “Sho-chan beat you to it by a couple of years. He just moved in, though. A week after New Year.”
Jun frowned when he suddenly remembered something he had meant to clarify. “But Sho-san said he was never invited!”
“He wasn’t,” Leader quipped with a slight chuckle. “He got too drunk and I just didn’t know where else to take him.”
“Somehow, I find it hard to imagine him being too drunk,” he said with a smile before taking the last swig from his bottle. Sho was the strongest drinker among the five of them, and as far as he could remember, he had never seen that guy faint from drinking too much. If anything, he just talked louder, and sometimes even faster.
Leader handed him another bottle. He put the empty one down by the side of the couch along with the couple of others he had drained earlier and picked up the bottle opener on the table, popping the lid off his beer as he listened to the older man talk.
“He was in one of those phases. You know, when he’s in pain and he chooses to bottle up his feelings, until he can no longer take it and he ends up drinking like there’s no tomorrow.” Their eyes met when Leader turned to him. And probably realizing Jun hadn’t seen this side of Sho before by the look of surprise on his face, and that he may have just said more than he should’ve, the older man’s voice turned into a mere mumble, “He just falls apart after that.” He emptied his bottle and reached out for another one.
Jun handed him the opener this time, his eyes cast low. He never thought he could feel any worse than he already did about breaking Sho’s heart. Or whenever somebody else did. He could always tell by the older guy’s show of exaggerated happiness. And he would always ask the guy about it, but had never really had the courage to prod further once the rapper smiled at him and said, “I’m fine, Jun-kun.”
He never knew about this weak side of Sho Sakurai that Leader had unintentionally painted for him. The image was cutting through his own heart, slowly filling him up with cold dread, as he remembered how he was the first one to send his senpai down that path.
He did wonder how that guy could just bounce right back as though he never had his heart broken in the first place.
Now he knew.
Jun knew.
So why in hell did Leader say Sho was not his best friend?
“He’s not,” Leader retorted, then added in a gentler voice, “At least, he hasn’t been for a while now.”
And it hit Jun how these two old men had played them out back then, blindsiding them so they didn’t get too curious and start asking questions.
But he didn’t feel like pointing this out anymore. Because the look of overwhelming affection clearly reflected in those eyes, and the smile that never once left the corner of those lips from the moment Sho Sakurai turned up in their conversation—these silent gestures that show just how much Leader felt for Sho were already beginning to put Jun’s heart at ease.
So at ease that he could actually joke about how Leader preferred men now.
“I still don’t prefer men!” the older guy quipped with a hearty laugh. “I just prefer Sho-chan!”
“Why?” The question was out of Jun’s mouth before he was even aware it was there.
Leader’s laughter wrapped up in a smile as he gazed fondly into space. “Not everything has to have a reason, Jun-kun. Sometimes, it just happens. And it feels right. And perfect, for some reason.”
Jun took a slow swig from his bottle and thought about how Leader said something nice just now. As expected from a guy who didn’t think too much about things, and just went by mere feelings.
“He’s worried about you, you know,” the older man suddenly said, breaking the momentary silence.
“Hm?” he hummed into the bottle, struggling to pull his now slightly muddled mind together to get back into the conversation.
“He told me to spend time with you to make sure you’re okay.”
Jun put his now empty bottle by the steadily growing bundle beside the couch and remembered how Leader had been fiddling with his phone on their way to his house. So the old man wasn’t surfing those fishing websites after all.
“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, Jun-kun.”
Jun looked at Leader and raised a challenging brow, willing the older man to tell him more to convince his still rather doubtful heart.
Leader just stared at him and said calmly, “Sho-chan looks happy, because this time he really is. Don’t let it bother you too much, all right?”
Jun kept his skeptical gaze trained at the man. He lasted merely a year and a half into it. How long could Leader keep this up?
How long, until this man ended up hurting Sho the same way he did? The same way all those other guys that came between them did?
“He’s in good hands now.”
Hearing those quietly spoken words, and seeing the glint of sincere conviction in those eyes gradually made Jun’s face relax into a smile. Because for some reason, he knew Leader meant it.
He just knew he could trust this man.
For several minutes, a comfortable silence descended upon them, wherein they drank and ate thoughtfully while occasionally staring at the otherwise neglected karaoke.
Each one lost in his own private reflections about the same man.
“Did you know about us?” Jun casually asked, though he could pretty much tell the answer by now.
“You were both very young then. And you sure were blatant about saying how much you liked him.” A faint chuckle escaped Leader’s throat, and it got Jun laughing lightly himself, thinking at how shameless and cheeky he was back then.
“I didn’t know he would take it so seriously! Not that I wasn’t serious, but...” He sighed and let his laughter settle into a smile, which soon felt awkward when he thought about how it ended for the two of them. How the guilt he felt over it had hounded him since, no matter how many times he insisted both to Sho-san and to himself that he had already moved past that phase.
Because every time he thought he could finally let go, one look at that guy’s facade of happiness would often hurtle him back to that point when they had let themselves be swayed by their wide-eyed curiosities and he ended up breaking his senpai’s heart.
And he would hate himself all over again, utterly convinced that it was because of him that Sho couldn’t find real happiness now.
Or so, until there was Satoshi Ohno... Who had probably been the one to pick the pieces up and put Sho back together that first time, too.
He looked at Leader, at the man who never once showed any ill-feelings toward him. He thought about Sho and how that man didn’t once hate him either. They just awkwardly danced around each other for a while. They still did so occasionally until now. But there had never been any animosity from that side.
All the hatred had been coming from inside him, aimed solely at himself.
But he could let that all go now. Perhaps, he could finally even say that not everything was his fault and actually believe himself this time around.
Sho was happy for real. And Leader had already promised to take care of him...
“We did make good memories, though,” he said, now able to smile fondly at the past he had viewed with guilt and regret for so long. “Lots of good memories.”
Leader just nodded slightly, letting him have this moment all to himself.
“And some pretty awkward ones, too.” Jun chuckled heartily at the images of two bungling young boys just newly discovering a pleasantly exciting, though rather strange side to their sexualities.
He heard Leader chuckling with him and felt more at ease.
Yes, he could finally let go of all the unpleasant feelings. But the precious memories he would gladly keep in that still very special place in his heart that would forever belong to his senpai.
“Leader...?” he called to the other man, his voice barely a whisper, his smile genuine and heartfelt now.
“Hm?” the older man hummed, looking warmly at him, silently cheering him on for finally taking the crucial first steps toward moving on...
“I’m really glad it’s you.”
~1992*4##111~
Next >>> Shifting Perceptions
***The descriptions of Leader’s painting were taken and put together from past Arashi Discovery episodes translated by
twosen.***The idea of Sho being a strong drinker came from a Sho Beat episode translated by sakura_daikon.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2013-04-30 03:16 am (UTC)It's OSM and it's just the story I need to read at this time. *winks*
will be back soon *muahs*
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Date: 2013-05-04 04:56 am (UTC)I'll dedicate my OSMs to you from now on, too! ♥hugs♥
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Date: 2013-04-30 03:37 am (UTC)kinda wanna hug Jun in this story though (you still got us XDD)
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:03 am (UTC)Yes, Jun needs lots of hugs right now. But he's finally moving on, ne? He'll eventually find someone <3
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Date: 2013-04-30 05:08 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing :)
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-04-30 05:49 am (UTC)Sho still cares about Jun even after the heart breaking past, and Ohno's reassurance to Jun to take care of Sho, in his own way.
And Jun, can finally put down his guilt and move on to find his own happiness XD
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:05 am (UTC)They can all finally put that past to rest and Jun can finally find his own happiness knowing Sho has already found his.
*hugs*
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Date: 2013-04-30 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-04 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-04-30 06:42 am (UTC)thank you so much ^o^
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-04-30 07:18 am (UTC)i had imagined it in my head~ with all your descriptions earlier this week. juntoshi's trip to ohchan's house and the conversations they have. i am thrilled to see it turn into a yamafic.
it's touching to read the emotions bounce between both jun and ohchan~ then the real underlying core of yama.
good job authoress~ <3 thanks for sharing
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:12 am (UTC)Eh, really? Our minds must work the same way xD ~<3
Ever since I read about J visiting Oh-chan's house, I've been itching to write it into something with Yama in it. And this was born. I am really, really glad you liked it. Thank you for such a lovely comment *hugs*
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:16 am (UTC)I agree. They just can't hide it, ne? No matter how hard they try. Fans have really sharp eyes and keen observational skills -lol-
Eh, really? You know what? I did get the idea that it probably began around that time, too. But I need to read up more on it to be sure (you'd think I was studying Yama-logy or something xDDD). But really, 2008 seems like a perfect year, ne? I'm not opposed to it starting out much earlier either. <3
And I've watched that! I am so in-love with that! How Sho's voice just went all soft and mama-like when he was talking with Ohno. *sigh* These two... really <3<3<3
*Jun hugs you back for your kindness*
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Date: 2013-04-30 08:59 pm (UTC)I mean, this would explain many things happening lately.no subject
Date: 2013-05-04 05:19 am (UTC)Eh, really? That makes me really happy! I just really wanted to write something Yama out of J coming to Oh-chan's house. Then I kind of thought about how Sho and J seem a little cold when it comes to fanservice. And I got this. I am really glad you liked it. Seriously, thank you! *hugs*
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Date: 2013-04-30 09:22 pm (UTC)Second, YAY to subtle Sakumoto! Wooohhooooooooooooooo~♫
Third, ouch.
Fourth, you are totally awesome!
Fifth, BROKEN!SHO w/o the ACTUAL SHO! 8D you are brilliant.
+on to the real review+
I really enjoyed reading this. The fascinating way of you writing Jun's intricate mindset w/ subtle self-loathing (something I enjoyed, the self loathing without it being over the top) and his undying wish for Sho's happiness. It's brilliant.
I also loved how you wrote Sho being the heaviest drinker and I quite agree, everyone seems to keep thinking Sho gets drunk easily. And I say, elitist dudes, he's an ELITE! /that aside
I loved how you weaved in Ohno's role here. It's fantabulous. :) How you wrote him is completely so Ohno (...then again, he is your biase. I personally find him the HARDEST yet EASIEST to write.) I enjoyed how you made him so calm and accepting and so mature enough to be angry at Jun. I loved how he simply "understood" that sakumoto was just young and that they have matured now. (though I might want to point out that Sakumoto moments are there again, but no Sakumoto writers are writing. /sob)
I liked how you subtly made my day with MULTIPLE MENTIONS of Sho as a woman. :D~♥
I'll name one of the my organs after you. 8D Rachie has my liver. I'll name my...KIDNEY after you! 8DDDDDD because they are also very important...or would you prefer my lungs? XD
Anway, enough of me. Thank you for writing and sharing and dedicating and being simply awesome! I raise my Arashi HAT to you~♫
Still Stalking
Jari
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:33 am (UTC)Second, yay indeed!
Third, eh? Sorry...
Fourth, thank you *blush*
Fifth, hahaha! I think you like broken!Sho too much! xDD
I am really glad you liked it. Eh? I really have this idea that Sho being a heavy drinker is common knowledge (I don't know where I got that idea). Eh, but now that you mentioned it, I read Sho being a strong drinker in sakura-daikon! Now, I'll add that up to my notes, so others can see -lol-
I am really glad you liked the way I wrote Ohno, too. I quite agree with you. Sometimes, I find it easy to write him. But then, at other times I feel like I am writing him OOC. Haha! He's a really complicated old man, especially when he's around Sho. xDDD
Eh, you and female!Sho. I am really kind of warming up to the idea of a female Sho. Sometimes, I think Sho-chan's just too gorgeous to be a man... and I'd probably get killed for saying that. xDDDD
Are you serious? That's too generous, but I'll take the right kidney please. The lungs are too big for me, lol! Jari, you are simply hilarious. xDDD ~<3
*HUGS*
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Date: 2013-05-11 07:01 am (UTC)I don't know, most of the fics I read has Sho drunk a lot before the others w/c makes me a little pissed. 8/
He's a REALLY complicated old man. 83 That's why only Sho knows how to read him. xDDD And nonsense, female Sho is wonderful wonderful thing. It's just that making Sho female is not yaoi. xDD
I just hope you don't turn my kidney into a kidney pie & feed it to me, because I don't want to be a self-mutilating cannibal. xP
I am? o.O! xD I do try my best. ahahaha *hugs back*
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Date: 2013-05-12 02:16 am (UTC)I remember reading this interview (other than the Sho Beat ep) when they were asked who can drink the longest among them (or something like that) and the kaze trio answered Sho-kun. I have forgotten what Sho's answer was (will dig that interview up later), but Leader also said Sho, Aiba and himself--excepting Nino because he easily gets red in the face -lol-
I think I can tolerate any one of them as female, to some degree now. They all look pretty crossdressed as women anyway. xD
Kidney pie? That does sound tempting... If I do that, I'll eat it myself. But I'm no cannibal either so your kidney is safe--for the time being (?) xDDD
*hugs*
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Date: 2013-05-23 05:44 pm (UTC)LOL. I don't read interviews because I can't read kanji despite the fact I've got a few mags in my house. /sob It looks like great fun though...
LOL. Nino has fantastic legs and so does Sho. Jun even commented on that little fact. >3
........O.O! CANNIBAL! /hides Kidney in a special box
*hugs tighter*
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Date: 2013-05-25 05:44 am (UTC)I can't read kanji and kana either, so I rely on translations. There are a lot of those around. I gobble them up like candy sometimes. xD
Don't these guys have leg hair? Seriously...? I so envy them. =(
Hey, no fair! I thought that Kidney's mine already? *pouts*
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Date: 2013-07-04 03:24 pm (UTC)Nope. no leg hair. (there's some sort of special cream to get rid of those. :P or wax? you can try Belo?)
It is YOURS but it's not for EATING.
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Date: 2013-07-19 01:54 am (UTC)I love my leg hair, though.
Okay~! xDDDD ~<3
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Date: 2013-09-12 05:20 pm (UTC)...I don't, but mines nearly invisible so it's fine. :D
no more talk of eating the kidney named Rin. okees~?
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Date: 2013-09-13 11:09 pm (UTC)Insivible leg hairs! I want! T.T
Hai! ^___^
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Date: 2013-09-19 02:34 pm (UTC)Nearly invisible, you want? we can trade. xDD
because you just are eating yourself. :P
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Date: 2013-09-22 03:19 am (UTC)Mine's horrendous! I'm telling you! You still want? XDD
But then, it's yours right? (opps sorry, no more talking about this XDD)
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Date: 2013-05-03 07:44 am (UTC)even you didn't put Sho character in there,I still feel it...
they're very care for each other , ne~
thanks for writing and sharing it with us...
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Date: 2013-05-04 05:20 am (UTC)Yup, they all care a lot about each other's feelings and current state of mind. That's what makes Arashi really special, ne? ♥
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Date: 2014-03-23 12:11 am (UTC)I need to hug Sho and Jun, right now!! I don't need to hug Ohno, but I'd like to anyway xD
So cute <3
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Date: 2014-06-03 02:51 am (UTC)And, lol~ Ohno needs that hug, too. I think xD
Thank you very much for reading and commenting~! <333